I’ve been completely MIA lately and I am so sorry about that. Once you miss one blog post it becomes easier to miss the ones after that. And while I did not make any specific new years resolutions this year, being more consistent and accountable with my blogging is something I am determined to work on.
I can’t believe that it’s already 2017. For me 2016 went by so fast, but even though the time flew a lot happened. There was a ton of change; some good and some bad, but the one emotion that really stood out was this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. I felt as if I didn’t have control in my life. I felt hopeless in my decisions and hopeless as I watched what was happening in the world around me and I could do nothing.
Towards the end of last year (it feels so weird to say that) I started to really look at my life and the direction it was going. I didn’t really love what I saw. It wasn’t so much the choices I was making but the ones that I wasn’t. I thought I had the perfect plan for my life. I would go back to Haiti as a psychologist and help any way I could. I worked while in school to make this a reality. But I procrastinated and procrastinated. Then I took time off two years ago and haven’t been back since. It just didn’t feel completely right to me. Even when I first started school for nursing and changed my major to psychology at the very back of my mind I asked myself ‘What about your writing?’ Everything began to feel more unsettling and I just knew in my heart I wasn’t doing what I was meant to.
I realized, as I was looking back, that question had been at the back of my mind since I was eight years old. It was there when I wrote my first story and it was there for every job I worked and every class I took. But my answer was always ‘What about it?’ After all it was just a hobby. Something to pass the time but would never actually amount to anything.I could never actually be a writer right? ‘I mean all kids liked to tell stories as child’ I told myself. So the dream sat away on a shelf at the back of mind until recently.
I am not quite sure what changed. Maybe it was the strong bout of depression or the realization that life is in fact short. But whatever it was writing didn’t seem as ridiculous an idea as it did before. So I researched writing jobs and found out more about freelancing. I re-evaluated my novel attempts and asked advice from people who had done it before. I knew I needed to change. I just wasn’t happy. I wasn’t fulfilled and I didn’t feel like I was making a difference.
It’s 2017 now. The start if a new year and fresh start so what better way to start anew. I have decided to go in feet first and give my all to my dream. I am ready for the sleepless nights and the sacrifices I will have to make because for me it will be worth it.
This month I will be quitting my full time job and will work part time while I will be building my freelance career. That way I will still have a source of income while I am working on getting experience and improving my writing. All the while I will continue to work on my novel and I hope to have the complete draft finished by the end of the year.
This is one of the scariest things I have ever had to do because it takes me completely out of my comfort zone. It will open me up to critique but it will be worth it. Even typing this it doesn’t feel quite real. I am really excited guys and I promise I will keep you updated along the way, whether it be good news or bad. I can’t do this alone. I wouldn’t even be able to dream about this if it wasn’t for the support of my friends and family. For the first time the new year really feels like a new beginning. And I know I will go back to Haiti I am just not sure what form that will take yet.
What about you guys? What resolutions or goals did you make this new year? What secret dreams have you kept buried because you believed they were impossible? I would love to hear them! I hope you guys had a truly happy holidays. Happy New Years Everyone!